"Awakening phase of life"

This is non fiction story about a girl who lost her beloved  father in the middle of the class 12 board examination. I was honored to be her audience in the class. Her name is Kinga lhazom, currently doing bachelors in Social Work at samtse college of education. I am hopeful that this story will inspire many others like me and therefore I am honoured to share you this inspiring  speech.

"The major notions that I ponder about life is “changes” , during the session between life and death , we go through  lots of hurdles and sunshine , that we either live in or push it a far . Life is not always as swift as it seems, it will always have uncountable loopholes and only one with determination to success, possess strength to stand against it. I wonder how many people must have gave up on dreaming about living in bliss ,just because your first step brought you down on your knees , and  I personally feel  that I lost abundance of  opportunity just because I couldn’t stand a chance. We all feel and delude ourselves that our life is bounded by our fate design, which I think we probably should STOP! We live in a life that has been weaved by ourselves. We create our own joy, discomfort, success and failure. I am not being skeptic, but the life we live right now has nothing to do with god’s creation. We are what we are right now because we believed that way about ourselves. The place that we stand right now or the place I stand right now was all my choice, our choice and your choice. we don’t have right to blame god about what we are going through , the way we live right now is all self chosen.

  We fail because either we give up on trying or never try at all ,  and we success because we try even harder after failure  or we believe that “ we can do”. Success and failure all starts from what we think about the situations / circumstances, since our actions are all curbed by our own thoughts. To relate with my own personal experience , my performances in primary educations was sickening , I didn’t get marks as I expected , I was always been one of disappointing daughter and students as per my grades , because  I had that faulty contemplations  that “its not my problem” , I have always thought everything in my life would be improved but not my grade , maybe because at that moment  I, myself was confused about what’s going on in my life . my goals was not fixed which  eventually made my journey so blurry and irrational . Then I reached for higher education , with second rated marks . This time I saw different kind of people around me , I saw someone picking library while someone reach out for teacher’s clarifications, the flip-flaps of pages around me was morally disturbing , because I was only one with baffled mindset and brain. while they were preparing for board examination in grade 10 , I was staring at their scribbled books and folded edge of their  pages . I never thought  that I could get through one of the  important phase  of my life , but I did progress with  slightest  hard works and practices . I should say that, progress was unexpected in fact  I repeatedly  checked my index number  not believing that I actually obtained percentage above 70 . Which was an absolute contentment for me and family. That was one of the best moments in my life, because for the first time in my life I made my family proud about having me get through grade 10, since at that phase of my life, me and family were having financial problems and getting through without having to repeat in private school was literally a relief for all of us .Even for me , the first time experience of success was a complete change of my views about my goals and purpose of my life. It was like “once you get the taste of success , that’s the only thing that attracts you” . From that day onward , I showed a dedication to studies more than co-curriculum activities , I tried improving my interpersonal skills and  socializing myself with people with dreams and determination. My grade was never below 75% , and my thirst of getting to higher stage of academic performances was increasing each year. That kind of change in me gave rise to expectations of my parent and  family that I can get through 12^th grade too.

I felt like I was in do or die situation , my family believed in my efforts and my friends  were all expecting good grade from me which pressurized as well as encouraged me . This time I studied with fear of losing hopes in myself and my family’s expectations. I spend my whole 3months which was prior to broad examination, in studies , and then appeared our first English examination in first week of December ,which went fine and then we had our Dzongkha paper and then we had geography examination after three days , at that very  moment , who must have thought our happiness would turn into ashes in speck of time , the uncertain loss  that our family had to bear emotionally and mentally turned  my strength into dust   , my geography examination was 72 hours ahead ,and I lost my dad in accident in 5^th of December , it was really tough situation for all of us, but i  didn’t give up , believing that I can  still do , in toughest situation I chose to live in hopes of my parents , I chose to remain that same girl who kept eyes on glory, I chose to stay awake  at night to study and in evening hours to attend my father’s rites and rituals. I was emotionally not ready to appear examination but mentally I had my myself prepared long ago , that was the time I had to gather all my attention in my paper , putting  all the fears to bed and trying hard to fulfill my dream that I waited for long ago.

  A  best  role my determination played in my life was placing me in somewhere where I deserved to be and where I belonged.  I aimed for sherubtse / scholarship but landed in taking course which is even more advantageous  for myself ,in national and international levels , which I think it is no less than any kind of scholarship. It is true that I lost my hopes to despair when I saw my progress card, but never to forget my own conscientious mindset brought me back on my knees , I have all those pride that have been swallowed , I have strength to build myself shape, myself and primarily I had faith in myself. It took me a month to realize that “you choose , you be” ,there was million reason and situations that might have broken my worth and trust , but I hold on to one reason to keep on climbing , and that one reason was “success is just a few second  ahead if you try harder” , that reason was engraved and enriching to have .

 

You see there are various way of living a life , there are diverse choices in life and probably we choose our own destination and what we would like to be. God just opens your eyes to world , but you have your own choice to see what you want to see. Believing in inferior ideas about yourself is not something that is going to make you better to adjust yourself  with your life , sometimes you need to see worse part of life to look for better you in other side . i had darkest of days in my life , but not for the once I look deep into that , I tried coming out from despair when I saw the light on other side , my light was determination and urge to success. Most of us has the same wish and dream to succeed and only least possess the strength to be granted , what you do with your present , how well you play with life and its jigsaw will determine what’s next."

Thank you for reading!